


Who I Am

by AlecWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluffy Ending, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Sugawara Koushi, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Valentine's Day, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22716937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlecWrites/pseuds/AlecWrites
Summary: “I genuinely thought you were breaking up with us,” Asahi said with a sad voice. Sugawara moved to press a hand against his cheek.“Oh baby no, never,” Sugawara said. Daichi wrapped an arm around their waist again and sighed.“I know I speak for Asahi as well when I say, we will accept you no matter what. We love who you are, and if that’s who you are then we love that.” Daichi said into Sugawara's shoulder blades.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 58





	Who I Am

They had never done anything like this before. To say it was nerve-wracking was a complete understatement because this was something way out of their comfort zone. They were usually an excited, happy-go-lucky type of person that could smile fix everything with a smile.

Somehow they knew this was way too much to do alone. They had two wonderful partners that are completely supportive of everything they did or wanted to accomplish, but this was different. This wasn’t a new ambition to pursue or a sudden hobby change. This was a moment for self-realization, something completely selfish, and something they knew in their heart was right. One-hundred percent, completely right. They couldn’t fight the feeling they had, every time someone called them something they didn’t want to hear. It didn’t tear at their heart but it made them more and more uncomfortable as time went on. 

They were aware that their partners would have no problem with what they have decided. There would be a small gentle discussion about what was okay, and what wasn’t. But the fear was still there, it was still evident and the fear of rejection was strong with their heart. They didn’t want to be rejected or shamed for being themselves. They want to love and support from the people they have accepted the people that they have loved. 

Was that so difficult?

They spent all their time accepting others, their flaws, their differences and day in and day out they would check up on each individual person that meant something to them. They would listen to other’s problems, even if they’re crying to them over the phone. They cared about others, and they loved them. So why were they so afraid of what others think about them? If they’ve spent so much time together already-loving and caring. Could something like this truly impact a change of face when they finally came out to them? Would they lose everyone they cared about with this decision?

Sugawara walked into the hallway, anxiety evident on their face, and in the shaking in their hands. They had googled support groups/meetups. Things about the LGBTQA+ community, things they weren’t aware of but willing to learn. They had signed themselves up for a meeting once they were sure. Once they knew who they were. Sugawara decided that confessing that to a room full of strangers would be a lot easier than confessing to their lovers. That was always the way people felt. That telling something to a stranger was easier than telling something to someone who knows you. Like a childhood friend, or your mother. It was all too overwhelming to think about.   
When Sugawara stepped into the room. There was a circle of chairs. Some people were already occupying some seats and others were empty.

“Hi, I’m Machiko,” The voice came out of nowhere and Sugawara swung around and was met with a blond. 

“Uh, Sugawara,” Sugawara said offering their hand. 

“Pronouns?” Machiko asks smiling sweetly,

“Uh, they/them,” Sugawara says their hands starting to sweat slightly. 

“Nice to meet you, I use she/her, and I organize groups like this. You can sit anywhere you like and we have coffee and tea with pastries. We’re about to begin.” Machiko spoke fast and then left Sugawara to fend for themselves. 

They poured a glass of tea, knowing they would drink it more for comfort than anything else, then chose a chair in the circle. They waited patiently as more people shuffled in, some of them confidently. Others pretty much as nervous as he was. It was shocking to see how different people could be, and still be collected all in the same room. And at the same time, it was refreshing. 

Machiko’s loud booming voice broke Sugawara’s train of thought. “Well. Welcome everyone, and welcome back of course. We have some new and old faces. It’s exciting. The way this works is we’re going to go around the circle and share our names, our pronouns, and our stories. You one hundred percent don’t have to share your story if you don’t want too, you can simply say pass after you introduce yourself. Sound good?” She didn’t really wait for an answer, she just nodded and continued. “Great, I’ll start and we’ll go counterclockwise,” She motioned with her hand to demonstrate and then sat down.

“My name is Machiko Shirabuki, I use she/her pronouns and I’m a lesbian,” everyone seemed to clear their throat collectively and greet Machiko. 

“Hi everyone, so I’ve been a lesbian for about 10 years, I’m also polyamorous and I have 3 loving partners. I am very happy now, but I wasn’t always like this. My family raised me very traditional because it’s what they knew, a single partner, get married and have kids.” A few people scoffed and rolled their eyes. Machiko giggled at their reactions. “So you can imagine the surprise when I came out to my family and destroyed their traditions in front of them. They were not accepting in any sense, until they met Fumi, one of my longest partners. They were completely entrapped by her personality and her beauty, it was wonderful and since then they’ve become more accepting of my lifestyle.” Machiko finished by taking a deep breath and crossing her arms in her lap. 

The person beside her shared their story as well. And Sugawara was so entrapped by everyone’s storytellings and different adventures, that they didn’t realize it was their time to speak.

“Uh, hi, I’m Sugawara Koushi- I use they/them and I’m non-binary,” just as everyone else had they all nodded and greeted them. “I’ll be honest, I’m not really sure what to share as my story, because I just recently discovered I was non-binary. I’ve struggled with trying to tell my partners because I’m afraid of rejection.” Sugawara’s voice wavered slightly and their eyes burned with the threat of tears. However, the group just nodded in understanding. “There’s always a comfort in sharing things with strangers than the people that are closest to you, which is why I came here,” Sugawara said regaining their composure.

“A safe place,” Machiko whispered nodding in Suga’s direction.

“Exactly, and my lovers are my safe place as well, but I don’t want them to change their opinions about me, I want them to love me they same way they always have, but I felt I needed to come here before telling them,” Sugawara admitted, holding their hands together so tightly and their knuckles were turning white. “I don’t want people to think I’m lying, or ask me “why can’t I try to be a boy?” Some people in the group rolled their eyes and laughed again, and Sugawara knew it was toward the haters and not toward them. “ I’m not a boy, and I’m not a girl. I don’t want to conform to society standards and I want to feel free to be myself,” They said with more conviction than they’ve felt all morning.

“How about a group hug?” Machiko offered, and Sugawara nodded. 

The group all stood up from the chairs and Sugawara walked toward the center, there was a warmth that surrounded them, comfort, people that accepted who they were. And they felt tears threaten their eyes again.

“Thank you for sharing,” all their voices boomed through the room and they all returned to their seats, so everyone else could share. Sugawara listened to each story as everyone listened to their own, relating and feeling empathy.

When Sugawara left the building after the meeting, they had picked up a couple of flyers and such to remind them to come again when they felt they needed. Now came the hard part. Sugawara was positive about telling their loved ones about the new development, but they weren’t sure that valentine's day was the best day to do it. It even surprised them when they looked online, that there was a meeting today of all days.

But after the meeting and watching everyone’s faces and listening to their stories, maybe today. This holiday celebrating love and affection- they needed the meeting more than anything. And Sugawara respected the hell out of that. 

-

The train ride back home was rehearsing their speech mainly to Daichi because he tended to be a little dense sometimes. They thought of key points to insulate a couple of times and a lot of reassurance that this didn’t change the way they felt about them, knowing that Asahi would go into full-on panic mode.

When they opened the door to their apartment the house smelled sickeningly sweet, probably because Asahi was baking. Asahi’s baking skill was beyond astounding and Sugawara needed to get their hands on whatever was in the oven.

“I’m home,” they whisper-shouted in case anyone was asleep.

“Welcome back,” Asahi shouted from Sugawara could guess the kitchen.

“You’re early,” Asahi said once Sugawara was in view. “I didn’t go to work today, I went to an errand really quick,” Sugawara said sliding their way into a stool.

“Where’s Dai?” Sugawara asked reaching for a cookie once Asahi turned around. 

“He’s in the shower, should be out any minute,” Asahi said. Sugawara nodded in understanding taking a bite of a chocolate chip cookie. They hummed gently as the sweet flavor touched their taste buds. 

“Well this is a surprise,” Daichi’s voice comes out of nowhere and his hands are slowly wrapping around Sugawara’s waist. They can’t help but relax against him, his chest was warm and comforting a sensation they didn’t know they needed. 

Daichi’s strong arms wrapped around their waist, and the smell of Asahi’s baking filling them with the home they always wanted. Which is why they shook their head side to side. Eyes burning as tears threatened to fall. 

“I have to tell you guys something,” Sugawara blurted, running a thin hand through their ashen hair. 

“What is it?” Daichi murmured against the skin of their neck.

“It’s about me, and it’s really important that I tell you guys, can we sit on the couch?” Sugawara said. Asahi visibly stiffened and slowly removed the apron he had on him. Sugawara knew he was nervous, close to shaking. When Asahi turned around Sugawara forced a smile. Sugawara took Asahi’s hand from across the counter and held it as the brunette walked around. The three of them walked to the couch with Sugawara in between.

“I’ve made a discovery about myself that doesn’t change who I am as a person, but now I see myself and what I want,” Daichi nodded in understanding, and Sugawara was tracing small circles into the knuckles of a sweating Asahi. 

Sugawara looked over at Asahi with soft eyes, the brunette tried to relax as much as possible. Sugawara gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and Sugawara felt Asahi shiver. 

“Koushi, what is it?” Daichi said, no more nervous than before. 

“So, I’ve discovered that I’m non-binary, which in lamens terms means I don’t feel like a boy or a girl. I’m just me-I’m just Sugawara. I don’t want to be referred to as he anymore, I want to use they/them because it feels more comfortable and more neutral.” Sugawara said avoiding eye contact with both of them. They felt Asahi relax beside them, and Sugawara instinctively looked up at him.

“I genuinely thought you were breaking up with us,” Asahi said with a sad voice. Sugawara moved to press a hand against his cheek. 

“Oh baby no, never,” Sugawara said. Daichi wrapped an arm around their waist again and sighed. 

“I know I speak for Asahi as well when I say, we will accept you no matter what. We love who you are, and if that’s who you are then we love that.” Daichi said into Sugawara’s shoulder blades.

Asahi wrapped his arms around Sugawara’s front to sandwich them in a hug. Tears fell from Sugawara’s eyes that they had been holding in all day. 

“Happy Valentine's Day,” Sugawara said through choked sobs. Daichi and Asahi both moved a hand into Sugawara’s hair to pet them. 

“Happy Valentine's Day,” They said in unison, and Sugawara couldn’t help but smile.


End file.
